Journal

Notes I write when a thought won’t let go of me.

These aren’t scheduled. They show up after a session, after a keynote, after a hotel-lobby conversation that ran three hours too long. I write them when the note hits my mind — not before, not on a calendar.

After Become. Attract. Create.

Maybe Become Is the Wrong Word

I was thinking after Become. Attract. Create. that maybe “become” is the wrong word. Because it sounds like something we are going to do later. We are already doing it. Every day. We are directing ourselves toward something — and most of us do not notice which direction until we see the result.

My high energy and curiosity created some extraordinary opportunities in my life. They also got me into some spectacular problems. Same traits. Different direction. Once I could see it, I could use it. That is what self-intelligence is: not becoming some perfect future version of yourself, but understanding the version of you currently making the decisions.

And if you do not like the way that person is running your life? Fire them. Not literally — but stop giving them the chair. Who is running your life today, and would you hire them again?

Who are you being while you are running your life? Do you like their decisions? Their habits? The way they react under pressure?

After Dare to Embrace Change

Sometimes It’s Not the Presentation

It has been a week since I delivered Dare to Embrace Change. I received a note today that said: “I made three major changes after your presentation. It was nothing you said. It was how you asked questions of yourself that really did it for me.” I loved that. Because that is the presentation. Not the slides. Not the lines. The permission to question.

Most of us are handed a version of life before we are old enough to decide whether it belongs to us. Then the instructions stop working, and we ask the wrong question: “What should I do?” I think a better question is: “What do I actually believe now?”

Inspiration is lovely. But it fades. A question can follow you home, sit beside you for a week, and eventually make a decision.

After The BRIDGE

Sometimes You Coach When It’s Needed, Not When It’s Convenient

I finished The BRIDGE presentation and a woman came up to me afterwards. She asked me how to make a decision about her life after divorce. I listened for a while and then said: “It sounds like you are still married in your mind.” That was the moment the real conversation started. Not on stage. In a hotel lobby, for three hours.

She had technically left the marriage. But mentally, emotionally, habitually, she was still organising her life around it. Even when the old life is painful, it is known. The new life is not. So sometimes we keep one foot on both sides.

Sometimes the paperwork is finished long before the transition is. And sometimes the most important coaching conversation does not happen when it is scheduled. It happens when the person is finally ready to tell the truth.

Not: “How do I get over the divorce?” But: “Who am I if I stop making decisions as though I am still in this marriage?”

After a Coaching Session

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone — But Don’t Do It With Just Any Coach

I finished a session today and had the same thought I have had many times before: you do not have to do difficult things alone. But please do not choose a coach just because they call themselves one. The right coach is not the person with the best website, the biggest following, or the most certifications.

When life gets difficult, you need someone who can actually think with you. Someone who can listen without immediately trying to fix you. Someone who can sit in uncertainty without filling the silence with nonsense.

That, to me, is coaching. Not having all the answers. Having the right relationship to help you find yours.

A coach should not make you dependent. They should make you more capable.

After a Coaching Session

Winning at All Costs Is Bad Coaching

I had one of those sessions today that reminded me why I dislike the idea of “winning at all costs.” It sounds strong. It sounds committed. It sounds like something a coach should push. But it is actually terrible coaching — because if the only measure is whether the client “wins,” then almost anything can be justified.

A good coach has to be able to ask a harder question: What will this win cost you? And then another: if you get exactly what you want, will you still like the life you created to get it?

Did you get the outcome? Did you keep your integrity? Did you protect what mattered? Did you become stronger? That is a better definition of winning.

Sometimes the worst coaching advice is: do whatever it takes. Sometimes the best coaching question is: what is actually worth taking?